One Minute
by Rae TB
Summary: Sequel to Broken Mirror boys love KaixRei, self mutilation, and bulimia inside. In one minute everything can change. In one minute you can choose to turn back, or wander deeper into despair, and in one minute, everything as you know it can disappear.


Dedication: To Sev, to Blue, to every single one of you that sent me an email regarding this fic. too many to list I'm afraid! But that's a GOOD thing! I enjoyed every single email and it was absolutely NO burden on me at all.

Thank you SOOO much for the support from Broken Mirror. I really, REALLY appreciate it and I wish I could personally glomp everyone that reviewed. But here's something special for all of you; the long awaited sequel! I know, I suck T-T

Just a few warnings before you go to the first chapter:

This contains self mutilation.

This contains boys love.

This will also focus pretty heavy on bulimia so watch out for that.

Before anyone asks, I have self mutilated, and I have engaged in bulimic behavior.

This fic has already become my baby, it means a lot to me and if you think it's stupid or a joke, or you have a problem with any of the above, TURN AWAY NOW.

...Everyone else, continue onward!

WARNING: Just so no one can say: "but you didn't warn me! this fic contains: boys love, self mutilation, and bulimia MUCH more heavily featured than last time. THOU HATH BEEN WARNED!...TWICE!

Disclaimer: Don't own Linkin Park's 'Breaking the Habit', don't own beyblade, don't own the letters a-z.

Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again

Rei turned to his stereo glaring at it as though it were reminding him of something that shouldn't be remembered which was pretty much close to the truth. Stiffening he approached the offending device preparing to silence it. However, as the words began to take their hypnotic grip he found himself unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to do anything but listen. His wounded being could relate with what he heard. He needed to hear it to move on.

You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
(unless I try to start again)

Safe...was he ever truly safe? Was he ever truly free? Free from himself, free from the burden of his own hate, of his own mutilation? Unless he tried to start again, huh? Every start took place after the end, and every end signaled another start to his continuous tumble downward. Rei's parents always seemed to think he was safe...his mother trusted him too much and his father denied it ever happened. They never asked or checked his arms; they were practically telling him he should mutilate himself. A familiar tingling overtook his being as he began to recognize the signs his body exhibited before he cut.

Every muscle was tense, every breath was heavy and labored and he began to go into a daze. Once again the voice that had ruled his every action during his last year as a cutter took hold and there was no use fighting, no use resisting. It overwhelmed his senses and held some unstoppable power over him. Like a zombie he made the slow trek toward the bathroom; where his prize was waiting.

I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused

There it was; on his bathroom counter laid the ultimate treat, a shimmering blade. The light bounced off of it dancing in front of him in a taunting daring fashion. The bright shine dipped and danced like a graceful ballerina pulling him forward with an unseen power. Slowly he reached for his goal, his wrist shaking. An image of Kai passed through his mind but it was fleeting as it was replaced with the glorious picture of his crimson blood flowing down his pale wrist like a never ending stream. In the background the music continued and he allowed his eyelids to shut taking in every words. He didn't want to be his razors pawn...but this tense feeling of need had to be lifted and with those thoughts he continued on; nothing more but a puppet.

I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean

Slowly Rei wrapped his fingers around the handle over the razor; it was like a sacred ceremony to him. It had been so long since he had this feeling; this glorious sensation of tension as he was about to do something he knew he shouldn't. He was like a little kid about to cut class except that this meant so much more to him on so many levels. Rei didn't want this; he _needed_ it. It was his sole way to survive the horrors of his reality to escape the parents he had grown to hate.

By this point the music had died down to nothing but a faint whisper in his mind. This was all that mattered; this was all that would ever matter. It was all he would ever need or desire. Nobody else would be allowed into his world, he didn't need them, nor did he want them. From now on he'd keep everything to himself and his razor. It's not that he didn't know it was wrong...he knew he should stop, but should and would are two entirely different things.

I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
Tonight

Rei's hand behind to quake as he started having second thoughts, his amber eyes where fixated on his pale skin, skin he wanted soaked in blood. There was another part of him though, a part that cried out from within him its pleading falling on deaf ears as it died down to a faint whisper along with the music. Why was he hesitating? This had never happened before...at least not like this!...Well...not that he could remember anyway.

Rei had cut many times and by now, most were a blur. He could never exactly recall what had happened that set him off; sometimes there wasn't a reason. His body would just be overcome by tension and demand release. Rei did however remember what he felt every time he cut...but he could only recall the pain and misery; nothing else really stood out in his mind.

Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again

Resting the razor on his skin he froze managing to make out one line of the song. Lock the door?...Wait...OH CRAP HE HAD FORGOTTEN TO LOCK THE DOOR! Now fully alert he realized he heard footsteps gradually approaching. He bit down on his lip and dived for the door, slamming it shut and locking it. He vaguely heard his name being called but he was too far gone to answer relieved when the person went away, assuming he was sleep.

I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again

No more distractions, he decided. It was time. Tightening the grip on the handle he applied it to his flesh again, digging it into his skin before dragging it across. He had missed this. It was finally relieving the tension he had felt for so long. Sure, it would only help temporarily, and there would be consequences, but he could have cared less at that moment.  
I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends

More...Rei needed more. This wasn't good enough...he had to go deeper, faster, harder. It seemed as though he couldn't do anything alright anymore now even this couldn't save him from his feelings. In the back of his mind he could see clearly what was happening; the crimson liquid oozing out and trickling downward splattering on the floor like rain. But for the most part what was happening was a blur; a side of him that he had grown afraid of had taken over. This was all that mattered to Rei right now, all that was truly reliable and real even if it wasn't. This was the only thing he could see; he was blinded by his own feelings.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean

Red on white.

Rei was overcome by that at the moment, the horrible yet beautiful sight before him. Metal continued to mingle with flesh in a bloody union as more pressure was applied. All his promises to not cut; his broken mirror was yesterday. This was today, this was the undeniable truth. Rei was a cutter; and that's all he'd ever be. Rei had nothing else, no one else. However, as he sliced at his skin he failed to realize he was also slashing up his relationship with Kai.

I don't know how I got this  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
Breaking the habit  
Tonight

That was the last time; the last time he had cut, the last time he had felt the amazing sensation of a cool blade on heated skin.

Tearing.

Ripping.

Shredding.

Destroying.

Annihilating.

Suddenly aware of his surroundings he broke out of his trance and focused on the there and then. The room was warm, the air around him was humid and heavy and droplets of sweat were accumulating on his heated skin. And yet, despite this fact, he was cold, ice cold. To the sole occupant of the room the sweat was ice and the air was frigid. Goose bumps ran up his arms but no matter how many he had, he knew they would never hide _them_. _They_ were his past, his dark secret, but unlike the constant masks that hid his sorrow, _they_ were real.

They were constant reminders, but not always in a bad way. It was true that at times they would taunt him, bring back horrid memories, and the urge he could never fulfill but those memories were also what inspired him not to go back, back to the time when he was a slave to his razor. However, no matter how many good things they brought in their wake, they were still ugly, they still stood for hate, spite, woe, misery, torment; the past but not forgotten wounds of his soul. They were his scars.

Rei sighed heavily, eyes fluttering shut from where he was on his knees, bent over his trashcan. Steadily, he raised his left arm, every muscle in his body shaking. When he got rid of that which he had become so accustomed, he had gotten rid of a piece of himself. Now that his cutting was gone he craved to do it again. But he couldn't, he couldn't go back, so he began to look for something else to take its place, and he had found it in bulimia.

During the time when cutting controlled his every action, it had played a small role out shadowed by his other disorder. Once his security blanket was lifted however, he was thrust into the real world nothing to protect him from its biting insults and constant criticism. He was empty with a large gaping hole left in his heart. It was a silent wound he didn't dare to voice or show; he buried it deep within him the hole growing larger with every passing day.

Then Rei remembered the glorious feeling of two fingers being crammed down his throat, bile rising to the surface. It wasn't the same as cutting, but it was his substitute. It temporarily numbed his pain and succeeded in keeping it at bay for a short while before the wound would reopen and more sorrow, blood, pain then ever before would come gushing out.

No more thoughts, no more feelings...it was time for action. Looking both ways as though he was being watched he slipped two fingers into his mouth gradually allowing them to sink further in the back of his throat until it hit the right spot. The area that made him gag and jerk forward. Nothing came out so he jabbed a bit harder taking out his anger on his body. Finally the moment came and he tensed as the acid worked its way up his throat gradually making a descent. Rei's neck tingled and a shiver ran through his body in excitement; the kind of thrill cutting had brought except...it wasn't as good as the real thing.

Groaning the cat eyed youth witnessed his earlier meal fall into the toilet making a splashing sound as it collided and melded with the water below. It was beautiful; his emotions were all there for the world to see but he could flush them away without a second thought. Grabbing a hand of the handle of the toilet he yanked it downward watching it swirl away. Adverting his gaze to his now sticky fingers he stood before washing them off, washing away the last evidence of his deed.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway as a presence approached his head jerking up in horror. His eyes widened and he stood stone still like a deer caught in headlights his body refusing to respond to any of his commands. Why was he not surprised? Had he ever had control in the first place? The doorknob began to turn and he witnessed a foot step through the door.

No.

Not now.

He just needed some time.

He just needed

One

More

Minute.

TBC...

Warning signs + Complications of Bulimia from the site BC eating (a.k.a. Homeplate your homepage for healthy eating!):

bingeing, or eating uncontrollably

purging by strict dieting, fasting, vigorous exercise, vomiting or abusing laxatives or diuretics in an attempt to lose weight

using the bathroom frequently after meals

preoccupation with body weight

depression or mood swings

irregular periods

developing dental problems, swollen cheek glands, heartburn and/or bloating

experiencing personal or family problems with alcohol or drugs

gastrointestinal problems: irritation of esophagus, stomach, salivary glands and throat from persistent vomiting

damaged or discolored teeth: gastric acids erode enamel

lung irritation: choking while vomiting causes food particles to lodge in lungs, causing inflammation

chronic loss of bodily fluids: depletes blood potassium, sodium and chloride levels, resulting in muscle

spasms, weakness, irregular heartbeat and kidney disease

If you have any personal experiences you wish to share -they may remain anonymous of course- or more facts you'd like to see in the fun fact section after each chapter, either send a link to whatever site you got it from through review or email me at: OR you may simply type the facts out of a book/type out your personal experience.


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